Life, Youth & Wellness Coaching

I’ve been learning a bit about Shadow Trait’s recently & I thought I would do a little blog post to reflect on this & what i’ve taken away from my learnings.

Have you noticed that as we journey through life, most of us find ourselves grappling with inner conflicts & external relationships that seem to mirror our deepest fears & desires?

These challenges are often rooted in shadow traits , parts of ourselves that we have disowned or repressed because we were taught they were “unacceptable” or negative. These traits don’t disappear they linger in our subconscious, influencing our thoughts, behaviors, and relationships in ways we may not realise.

By understanding and integrating these traits, we can achieve greater self-awareness & balance.

Here i’ll share the four most common shadow traits & how they influence our lives:

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1. Infatuation

Infatuation occurs when we place others on a pedestal, believing they possess something we lack. This creates a magnetic attraction, as we’re drawn to traits we admire but haven’t fully acknowledged within ourselves.

Think of it like an ion: we’re positively or negatively charged, seeking balance. The truth is, you already possess these traits; you simply have different expectations or rules for expressing them. When you compare yourself to someone you perceive as “greater,” you diminish your own worth. These individuals are in your life to reflect back a part of you that’s ready to be embraced.

However, anything we infatuate with comes with a cost. We fear losing what we admire & we may even alter our values to match theirs, leading to resentment and dishonoring our authentic selves.

The lesson here? Recognise the downside of every trait you admire & see the same potential within yourself.

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2. Pride

Pride is another shadow trait that often masks a deeper imbalance. When we take pride in a particular quality, honesty, for example, we may unconsciously shame its opposite. This creates a blind spot, where we fail to acknowledge that we too, might embody the very trait we reject.

The universe has a way of balancing things out. If you hold excessive pride in one area, you may attract experiences that humble you. For instance, if you constantly pride yourself on being organised, you might find yourself in situations where you lose your keys repeatedly.

This is life’s way of reminding you to embrace both order & chaos.

Moreover, pride can lead to projecting your values onto others, expecting them to mirror your standards. This often results in resentment and strained relationships.

True growth comes from releasing pride & accepting the full spectrum of human traits within yourself.

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3. Shame

Shame is the negative self-judgment that tells us we’re not good enough, confident enough, or successful enough. When we minimise ourselves, we unconsciously attract experiences that reinforce these beliefs.

For example, if you carry shame about not being confident, you may encounter people or situations that challenge your self-esteem.

This isn’t a punishment but an opportunity to clear these limiting beliefs & reclaim your power. The people & experiences that trigger your shame are here to teach you self-acceptance & to remind you that your worth isn’t tied to external validation.

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4. Resentment

Resentment arises when we look down on certain traits in others. Ironically, these are often the very traits we’ve disowned within ourselves.

Resentment is a sign that we’re out of balance, covering up our discomfort with pride.

In relationships, we often attract individuals who reflect unresolved dynamics from our past, particularly with our parents.

For instance, if you grew up with a parent whose values clashed with your own, you might find yourself in relationships where similar traits resurface.

This is not a coincidence but an invitation to heal. If these patterns don’t show up in your romantic relationships, they may emerge through your children or other close connections.

The key to dissolving resentment is recognising that the traits you judge in others are also present within you. By embracing these disowned parts, you can move toward wholeness.

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The Universal Law of Attraction and Shadow Traits

Our shadow traits are deeply intertwined with the Law of Attraction. Here’s how it works:

1. Infatuation: You’ll attract the traits you put on a pedestal, only to experience the drawbacks that come with them.
2. Pride: You’ll attract humbling experiences to balance out excessive pride.
3. Shame: You’ll attract people and situations that mirror the traits you feel shame about, offering you a chance to clear them.
4. Resentment: You’ll attract traits you despise, challenging you to integrate these disowned aspects of yourself.

Ultimately, life’s challenges are here to bring you back into balance.

By acknowledging & embracing all parts of yourself, you can move beyond judgment and into a state of harmony.

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Final Thoughts

Judgment, whether directed at yourself or others, is a reflection of disowned traits.

It’s impossible to judge another without judging yourself.

The next time you feel triggered by someone’s behavior, ask yourself:

– Where have I expressed this trait in my own life?

This simple exercise can dissolve judgment & lead to profound self-awareness.

Remember, the goal isn’t to eliminate shadow traits but to integrate them. By doing so you align with your true self & open the door to deeper, more authentic connections.

Ready to explore your shadow and step into your power? Let’s connect. Book a free 30-minute consultation on my website & begin your journey to wholeness.